C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
