I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
