just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
