some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
