I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
All the doctor said was why
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
