capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
