I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
So many bounce houses so little time
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
