I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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