Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Randomize
