Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
