who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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