In America we eat man semen.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
