He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
