im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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