We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
