Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
