Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
