On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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