i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
