He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
