I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
