I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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