This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
