____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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