you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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