I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
