I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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