I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
