i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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