I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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