why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
