i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
