We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
