The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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