Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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