she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
