when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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