do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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