I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
