the condom got lost in my hair
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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