so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
