im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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