It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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