Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
