how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
