Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She told me I should be a condom model.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He? As in you personified your dick?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
