If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
