3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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