I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
