i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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