apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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