What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
