I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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