i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
