Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
