is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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